Moving on

What I have lost,

What I miss the most,

What I cry about,

I would only know

And I would carry the scars, not you

Judge me if I try for a first

Not when I just let it be

These scratches now and then

Maybe I feel alive by them

So why bother me?

Why say I don't want to move on?

We are all bound within one life

Where we meet and part

Then why would I run?

At least I don't hide like you

I just simply care enough to hurt at times

Till I build a bridge,

And cross over the water, let me be

Let me feel alive in my own way...

What it's to like you !!

It’s beginning to feel cold

The ground freezing beneath

The sun stops burning above

A rush of despair and time stands still

Is this how it feels to like someone?

To be a lone soul trapped

It's supposed to be beautiful they say

Where roses lay down their thorns

And the warmness tugs in

But this feeling is like a gloomy high

When the blood rushes in

Getting closer day by day

It makes me more vulnerable

This thinking of why and how

Pushing me closer to insanity

I do wish to tell u now and then

All I know is that this is slow

This is deep, and it's always there

This feeling of liking you,

Of needing and maybe of loving....

It could be better

Life could be better,

Oh yes It can be

With all the deaf ears and blind eyes,

That exists without any care

It could be far better

With all the ignorant taunts

Haunted dreams of cravings,

For all those desires of the heart

Sleepless we have become

So quickly, so neatly

Oh yes It can be better than this

Secrets within that want to lash out,

To paint the world with that pain

Slowly and swiftly engulfing everything

Why can't it get better dammit?

And so we do cry in fear,

Cry in vain, Cry for the future,

For this is a one way road...

Wisdom Of Hearts

Wisdom of your heart that I consumed

Slowly ignites a fire within

Fragments of those flickering flames

Burning so deep, hurting me so well

Finally and so truly I can see

And I know I am not blind anymore...

Every thought of your vile heart

Devoured within this lone centre

Engulfed and bound to feel such ugliness

So frightful this face of innocence

Never am I going to be blind anymore

For I can finally and truly see through you...

Feelings Of My Seasons

Harmless little thoughts

Soft and tiny pangs

Clueless words that defines,

Everything and nothing

The first feelings of summer...

His thoughts beckoning

Like a savior in a storm

You espy his lean frame

Ever so slowly it shrinks in

These first feelings of winter...

A ghoul from your dreams

One that leaves you empty

Of hunger and devoid of sadness

A void left to be filled

That first feeling of autumn...

Waiting become wanting

Liking becomes longing

As love becomes a must

Misty, these small feelings

Blooms fully,

Our first feeling of spring

The One I Can't Have

I am not to believe in your existence

Be it true or false, but I cannot turn back

I cannot simply turn to find you

Nor can I run ahead to embrace you

I truly am bolted with a thousand chains

Breakable these are but still....

Of all my dreams you come last

Of all hopes you cannot be fulfilled

In this twisted web where crimson hearts rust

My heart could not find yours

All these boundaries and all these thorns

Whether you be brave or courageous

I simply would remain bolted within...

When you find me within all these turmoil

Just walk away, Just smile and vanish

For I do not wish for this strong faith

A faith which could break me free

And yet, and still yet simply bolt me again

Would you understand?

Would you keep this promise?

Find me only to lose me again

Remain as the stranger you were

And leave me as far as possible...

From a stranger to another !

Such a distance that I can't cover

Oh why have you travelled so far?

Beyond my reach even my dreams have flown

To be with you in their rightful place

Left alone desolate of soul and heart

What am I to do here, so far so lone?

Naiveness you can call it

To have fallen from the seventh sky to this ground

Just to see you from a mile away each second

A fool I was and a fool I remain

Still crouching about where I landed on

While you walked your way out of my sight...

Trying here every time to call you back

But these barriers hold down my voice

For you are unaware and so free

Oh how can I bind you again?

How am I to drag you down from your seventh sky?

How am I to cut your healed wings?

I wait right here stranger,

For all that I have are with you

I wait like the fool that I am

And maybe one day you shall foresee,

That all hearts are not vile

All hearts does not change

And some hearts can wait

For now and tomorrow....

Nonsensical Tears

For reasons unspoken,

For reasons untold and misunderstood

These damned tears prick and tear out

Shallow and hollow how a soul becomes

When one loses all causes,

And yet cry and cry one’s heart out...

Tugging the bestowed cruelty

With a knot in the stomach too well known

All hell breaks lose too easily

A waterfall destroyed and a reign left too freely

Without any guardian,

Without any grounds to stand on anymore

All one can do is scream and scream the heart out...

Like shrieks from mute lips to deaf ears

Frustration of this sickening silence,

Resounding back nothingness of a dead end

Feelings that swell up right after,

Beckoning nothing but anguish and torment

And all one can do is hurt and hurt more....

Seasonal Love Affair

Palpable the hurt I emit through words

It reaches you, I know

Do you simplify, ignore and rip them apart ?

If not why is their attempt futile ?

Now so sudden, the feelings retained

For once let me revive those moments for  you...

So fragile you, a defiant being were

Noticing your vulnerable soul, I tried!

Building a world where she was condemed from

Comforting you through my wittiness

We had formed a bond of hope

Do you remember ?

A vow tied to my heart that day

To embellish your heart with wishes each season

How naive I sounded,

How obvious the reasoning

You did percieve with all might the reality

Attraction, beguilement or was I bitterly charmed ?

Swift and enigmatic words you sent me

I have lived an affair through them

Until reality called back upon you ?

Vanishing slowly and leaving a lingering trail

Choosing to live with frayed relations?

Soon & tardily I find us back again

Where you were your defiant self

I am a stranger you pass by now and then

Will you ever return my words back to me ?

I am hurt, paining and in agony ...

But you do not realize is that so ?

Forced  now I am to call this and that

A seasonal love affair ?