Moving on

What I have lost,

What I miss the most,

What I cry about,

I would only know

And I would carry the scars, not you

Judge me if I try for a first

Not when I just let it be

These scratches now and then

Maybe I feel alive by them

So why bother me?

Why say I don't want to move on?

We are all bound within one life

Where we meet and part

Then why would I run?

At least I don't hide like you

I just simply care enough to hurt at times

Till I build a bridge,

And cross over the water, let me be

Let me feel alive in my own way...

What it's to like you !!

It’s beginning to feel cold

The ground freezing beneath

The sun stops burning above

A rush of despair and time stands still

Is this how it feels to like someone?

To be a lone soul trapped

It's supposed to be beautiful they say

Where roses lay down their thorns

And the warmness tugs in

But this feeling is like a gloomy high

When the blood rushes in

Getting closer day by day

It makes me more vulnerable

This thinking of why and how

Pushing me closer to insanity

I do wish to tell u now and then

All I know is that this is slow

This is deep, and it's always there

This feeling of liking you,

Of needing and maybe of loving....

It could be better

Life could be better,

Oh yes It can be

With all the deaf ears and blind eyes,

That exists without any care

It could be far better

With all the ignorant taunts

Haunted dreams of cravings,

For all those desires of the heart

Sleepless we have become

So quickly, so neatly

Oh yes It can be better than this

Secrets within that want to lash out,

To paint the world with that pain

Slowly and swiftly engulfing everything

Why can't it get better dammit?

And so we do cry in fear,

Cry in vain, Cry for the future,

For this is a one way road...

Wisdom Of Hearts

Wisdom of your heart that I consumed

Slowly ignites a fire within

Fragments of those flickering flames

Burning so deep, hurting me so well

Finally and so truly I can see

And I know I am not blind anymore...

Every thought of your vile heart

Devoured within this lone centre

Engulfed and bound to feel such ugliness

So frightful this face of innocence

Never am I going to be blind anymore

For I can finally and truly see through you...

Feelings Of My Seasons

Harmless little thoughts

Soft and tiny pangs

Clueless words that defines,

Everything and nothing

The first feelings of summer...

His thoughts beckoning

Like a savior in a storm

You espy his lean frame

Ever so slowly it shrinks in

These first feelings of winter...

A ghoul from your dreams

One that leaves you empty

Of hunger and devoid of sadness

A void left to be filled

That first feeling of autumn...

Waiting become wanting

Liking becomes longing

As love becomes a must

Misty, these small feelings

Blooms fully,

Our first feeling of spring

The One I Can't Have

I am not to believe in your existence

Be it true or false, but I cannot turn back

I cannot simply turn to find you

Nor can I run ahead to embrace you

I truly am bolted with a thousand chains

Breakable these are but still....

Of all my dreams you come last

Of all hopes you cannot be fulfilled

In this twisted web where crimson hearts rust

My heart could not find yours

All these boundaries and all these thorns

Whether you be brave or courageous

I simply would remain bolted within...

When you find me within all these turmoil

Just walk away, Just smile and vanish

For I do not wish for this strong faith

A faith which could break me free

And yet, and still yet simply bolt me again

Would you understand?

Would you keep this promise?

Find me only to lose me again

Remain as the stranger you were

And leave me as far as possible...

From a stranger to another !

Such a distance that I can't cover

Oh why have you travelled so far?

Beyond my reach even my dreams have flown

To be with you in their rightful place

Left alone desolate of soul and heart

What am I to do here, so far so lone?

Naiveness you can call it

To have fallen from the seventh sky to this ground

Just to see you from a mile away each second

A fool I was and a fool I remain

Still crouching about where I landed on

While you walked your way out of my sight...

Trying here every time to call you back

But these barriers hold down my voice

For you are unaware and so free

Oh how can I bind you again?

How am I to drag you down from your seventh sky?

How am I to cut your healed wings?

I wait right here stranger,

For all that I have are with you

I wait like the fool that I am

And maybe one day you shall foresee,

That all hearts are not vile

All hearts does not change

And some hearts can wait

For now and tomorrow....

Nonsensical Tears

For reasons unspoken,

For reasons untold and misunderstood

These damned tears prick and tear out

Shallow and hollow how a soul becomes

When one loses all causes,

And yet cry and cry one’s heart out...

Tugging the bestowed cruelty

With a knot in the stomach too well known

All hell breaks lose too easily

A waterfall destroyed and a reign left too freely

Without any guardian,

Without any grounds to stand on anymore

All one can do is scream and scream the heart out...

Like shrieks from mute lips to deaf ears

Frustration of this sickening silence,

Resounding back nothingness of a dead end

Feelings that swell up right after,

Beckoning nothing but anguish and torment

And all one can do is hurt and hurt more....

Seasonal Love Affair

Palpable the hurt I emit through words

It reaches you, I know

Do you simplify, ignore and rip them apart ?

If not why is their attempt futile ?

Now so sudden, the feelings retained

For once let me revive those moments for  you...

So fragile you, a defiant being were

Noticing your vulnerable soul, I tried!

Building a world where she was condemed from

Comforting you through my wittiness

We had formed a bond of hope

Do you remember ?

A vow tied to my heart that day

To embellish your heart with wishes each season

How naive I sounded,

How obvious the reasoning

You did percieve with all might the reality

Attraction, beguilement or was I bitterly charmed ?

Swift and enigmatic words you sent me

I have lived an affair through them

Until reality called back upon you ?

Vanishing slowly and leaving a lingering trail

Choosing to live with frayed relations?

Soon & tardily I find us back again

Where you were your defiant self

I am a stranger you pass by now and then

Will you ever return my words back to me ?

I am hurt, paining and in agony ...

But you do not realize is that so ?

Forced  now I am to call this and that

A seasonal love affair ?

My Rain

The spirit in the rain calls out

In a faithful torn endearing

It soothes away the harmony

Absolutely nothing more worse,

Than the silence of its craving....

For something like you,

How can I feel pity?

More than one word

More than a thousand

Betrayed brutally by my rain

So it kisses goodbye

Neither you nor I feel anything

Love is beyond feelings

Or is it mere numbness, my love?

Don't drench me, your soul

Walking away, where will you go?

Rain... Mine and only mine right?

Kingdom of Solitude

Near the stone cold drops from heaven

In between the drizzling sky

Reigns my heart, eager for your movement

Crawling about for one beat from your lips

Oh! Am I mad to be so much in love?

Gazes from above, as the veiled stars mock along

This unforgivable serenity for you

Like a perfidy for the rest, leaving them for you...

Stars falling avoid my path,

Alongside the full moon, diverting its light,

From this bleeding kingdom of solitude...

Hey, I am still imprinted here,

Bolted within the mirrors of your love

In a falling sand castle,

The pillars of hope have cracked

As I see you carrying another queen

Smiling away, shattering my kingdom...

Beckoning you...

The foggy clouds embracing the white moon

With golden stars singing to the dark night behind

With the gutsy wind blowing away my thoughts

I wonder if this sky had embraced me in its hands

The silky water beneath the valley

The lullabies they sing with the trees

All are waiting for the arrival of one,

When the night kisses the moon away

And bosoms the unwilling Sun

Will you be there in my dreams again?

Wavering winds, Staggering breezes

Felt on the awaiting skin

As if your skin is caressing

How is this love so strong?

Only with an uncertain waiting,

The moon sang beckoning the lover…

The gift of Hatred

No matter how much I try to run away

No matter how much I try not to think

Wounds by you just wouldn't heal

Wondering whether you are like that

Always I seek you in shadows

As I espy love in others eyes

Why can't I grasp it?

Why am I the one forbidden to feel that?

Love was sought by an innocent child

Pain was what grew in her through time

Am I paying the debt of loving you?

Smiles come across my face realizing a truth

Maybe this is love after all

The pain never sought, just an another face

To be thankful for this pain

For the moments reality,

Pain was the forbidden love from you...

All this time it was a gift I hated

But now....

My last words as I say, thank you...

Propose

A sunset left behind you,

For this sunrise beneath those eyes

In the gloam, I had been waiting

Holding my breath, till your arrival

Living to see this moment,

When your eyes finally susurrus,

Your hands raring to hold me,

To my heart, when you lips uttered,

“I love you, with each breath"

“I need you, as my soul"

“I want you, with my all love and need",

All quivers dethawed into nothingness,

As the embracement of a lifetime was made

For my being, you are the ideal reason

A graceful path have opened,

With you I will walk to the endless of it...

The land of my dreams

Beyond the hills of this land the horizons to my dreams lie

The golden sparks of dusk casting a surreal magic

Blooming flowers of innocent dreams here

Efface the dying laments of fire

With the hush of the lips, the gentle touches

Grasping tight for it might leave your arms in a flash

Rivers of stargazes, seas of aspirations

Beyond this valley beneath that land of hills

These flows in my eyes towards my heart

Frozen beats and wintry smiles blossoms

Shadows of the sun finally lengthens to reach me

Touching me are the twinkles of twilight

Fading away into darkness of the dusk are my grief’s

Sorrows overtaken by a calmness that filled an empty heart

Beyond the horizon, through every bit of me

Finally today I see the face of my dreams....

Smile

Why the unhappy face...

Please smile your everlasting smile

All that can send me to the heavens...

Hey baby, Can you feel my words?

If so can you smile, for me?

Little of your thoughts

Much of my wonders

Come together to form dreams

Of you and me with the picture perfect pose...

Just be certain, I won't break it into pieces

How cold it maybe, baby your smile brings warmth

So can you smile for me...? Oh baby...

Hear my sighs deep round the night

One of your dreams always wander around

Keeping me alive during these seconds

So baby for my heart, can you just smile...

Smile your smile. Will you?

The one of you and me in it... just smile

What is love?

It's funny when all you see is his love,

And when he breaks your heart,

All you see is anguish given by him,

You curse him, giving yourself pain

You stop loving anyone, because of him,

My thought circle around this one thought,

Is this called love?

Betrayal, pain and deceit

Written in your broken heart,

Erasing every trace of love,

Happiness evanescent with the bitterness,

Faith and hope, no longer words believed in

Is this really what love can be?

I wonder even more...

And then I espy the one watching you,

He is near, yet too distant

He cares, yet fears your broken heart

He loves you, yet you are blinded

It was then, I realized

This one spark flickering,

In the stormy ocean of your pain

Never letting you go,

Hiding his pain, he soothes yours

Shedding invisible tears,

He has made you smile again

Surprised I am to find that

You haven't lost love,

You have gained courage to love again,

Eons can separate you from your happiness,

But he filled that gap for you

Within your bliss, with your smile

I know this is what you call Love...

My broken dream of U

Lightning in the night,

For one second you see the day again,

And then in seconds it all disappear

Too afraid to meet its eyes,

Just like facing a dream you know, will shatter...

Lost aren't I? I ask myself too often

Yet, I compare this with your sorrow

Small, my heart always tell me

Hold his hand, though u might break,

Hold it tight, Or else you will be left alone...

This one dream, this one fear

As I see you are my dream,

For you being shattered,

My whole life is left with emptiness,

Realize this pain in my heart...

That is all I ever wanted for then,

This was what I felt... yet,

How many times should my heartbreak,

To know your love can be greater than your sorrow

To feel that you moved on with me,

Holding my hand you embraced that fantasy...

Why must this happen, I still ask?

When the symphonies met,

Why is the song out of place?

Were you too late to reach my dream?

I still wonder....

"I love you" and my heart melted again,

And then seconds of promises,

Dreams too fragile for me were born,

How close to being found I was,

Your hand reached me, then why?

Why did you suddenly withdraw?

Lost again, aren't I?

This time I didn't care for your sorrow,

It was my dream of you, broken in my wrists,

Passionate times killed with the thorns

Blood dripping bit by bit

Dreams have died, so has a wish...

Eternal love dies within the forevers...

As forevers are promised too often on your lips...

Love is a mere word with endless definitions

And you are nothing but a betrayer.....

My new time

All for a new time,

Waves roll across the sea,

Calling me back from here

Nostalgic scents awaken me deeply

All for a new time,

Let me sacrifice these...

Even though I am here

My senses want me there

My thoughts circle around the ambience

The friendly, the one I miss much

Enticing time, enlaced with joy

Have you missed me enough?

I wonder....

This unfriendly time

When I think I will break by bits

Without a shoulder near me

When tears come I wonder what I will do

For all I know till now,

This is my new time,

And it hasn't started...yet...

All the maybe

Maybe you are mine to fall for

Maybe it’s just me,

In your eyes what I see

Is it the truth?

Or was it before...the past

I am sorry to have broken one

Without knowing that it was

I promise you, I will love you

With all the forever’s that I could give you

For what was broken I want to mend....

You are not mine and I am yours,

It’s just too unjust to bear

When all I get for my love,

Is just your ignorance and anger?

Tell me... Is it just me deceiving myself?

Someday I will fade away leaving you,

In her arms you are too happy,

Remember me once... That’s all I need...

Maybe ... just maybe I will forget...